What the skibidi is this? An American band called French TV offering Star Trek characters by mail order? No, it’s just a tongue-in-cheek title for a 10-minute musical composition constructed in the Zappa mould. It’s one of those slightly zany flights of fancy incorporating elements of avant-garde, progressive rock and jazz. And it’s right at home here.

French TV was founded in 1983 as a collaboration between the composer, Mike Sary, and keyboards player, Steve Roberts. Adding Fenner Castner (drums) and Artie Bratton (guitar), they recorded an album that Spotify describes as “a very imperfect first step”; it was released as French TV in 1984. Since then, though, there has been a revolving door of band members and another 14 albums, the most recent being A Ghastly State of Affairs (2023).

The Quarks are from album number 6, The Violence of Amateurs. That one is credited to: Mike Sary (composer, producer, bass, percussion), Dean Zigoris (composer, producer, guitar, keyboards, vocals), Greg Acker (flutes, saxophone, percussion), John Robinson (keyboards), Bob Douglas (drums), Brian Donohoe (drums), and miscellaneous musicians contributing banjo, clarinet, violin and ‘noises’. It’s not quite Frank Zappa’s big rock band/small jazz orchestra outfit, but it comes pretty close. This particular track reminds me of A Triggering Myth‘s other-worldly instrumental pieces on The Remedy of Abstraction, too.

Of course, Mike Sary & co. might not have had members of a fictional alien race in mind. They might have been thinking of the fundamental particles that physicists call ‘quarks’. Their mail order catalogue, then, would list six types: up, down, top, bottom, charm and strange. But the first two are ten-a-penny, and the rest would be far more expensive than even the rarest of music albums. Most of French TV‘s albums are, indeed, quite rare, but they have both beauty and charm. And they are much more affordable.